Monday, August 31, 2009
Trying to focus
I've been trying to stay focused: deadlines, new projects, BIG projects, and all of the things I want to do during the summer. Oh for the sunshine. I can blame my distraction on the sunshine.
But I've been having a lot of distractions. At the height of the summer glory in the gardens, the sewer line in our hundred year old house decided to give up the ghost. Plumbers, crews, heavy equipment, digging huge holes and trenches, and a trench through our finished basement. With jack hammers. All of this disturbed the ants outside, so they decided to find a way in and swarmed our kitchen one early morning.
AdRi has been using the word "condo" lately. Keeping up with an old house is work.
But on the bright side, the new sewer line means we had the basement plumbed for a new bathroom, so we're adding a new half bath. Picking out linoleum, sink and finishes.
And then there's the friend with cancer. Cancer is a bitch my friends, it's a bitch. It takes too many people from us too early, and it's attacking a dear friend of ours. And it makes my bitching about sewer and ants so trivial.
So this is the conversation I've been having with myself. Poor me, wait, slap slap slap. Be more grateful. But seriously? My patience is worn thin and I'm just evaluating where I put my energy.
I've been taking breaks from the computer and all of the social networking that's so embedded into my life, and it feels good. I'm forcing myself to breathe, to focus on my breathing, to just be and experience, and to work with my hands more. To create but also to be.
And then there's the lists. My chronic list making is driving me to complete tasks and to feel done at the end of the day and not so overwhelmed.
Also? I'm making myself carry my camera around with me again. You my lucky blog readers may just get to see the fruits of that.
But see how this blog post is scattered? Yes, it's full of good bits and pieces, but it's scattered. Because that's how I'm feeling.
I have a facial, concert, get away trip planned in the coming days, and am so looking forward to it. Just a mini vacation to give me a break. Then hoping in September to get away to the coast some and walk my dog on the beach. I'm holding onto these visions while I task master myself. But I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm trying to stay focused on that prize. "Eye on the prize" I've been saying. Eye on the prize.
P.S. I took this photo at a Beaver game this weekend: playing with my lensbaby again. That thing is crazy to control but sometimes, the photos that come from it surprise me. Here's a bonus one for you too.
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OH NOES! my house is 100 years old too and i told my husband we needed to start budgeting for sewer repairs. and the roof. and a paint job.
it is a lot of work.
hang in there.
Nice pics! That one of the stands looks very tilt-shift. I hope things mellow out for you soon.
I can count on one hand + a couple toes the number of people who have expressed this same worn out, lacking mojo temperament lately (myself included). I hope we find peace and can get back to our lives again soon!
PS - Love the lensbaby shots.
So sorry about your friend. That's just (pardon my French) shitty.
The ants took over our place long ago; we've learned to live with them more or less. Generous applications of borax in places Winky & your kitties can't reach help a great deal.
And I haven't been focused since I had a kid. I sometimes miss it, but thanks to my lack of focus I quickly forget about it. ;-D
But new bathroom! Yay! I kinda love bathrooms. The more the merrier, I say. I'm currently obsessing about whether to go w/subway tile or beadboard (if & when we ever find out if we've got the house!).
Wow. What a lot to deal with. I think you are doing all the right things.
I, too, have rededicated myself to taking more photos. It's very grounding and forces one to observe and absorb life in the here and now, rather than borrowing trouble and worry from the future.
sorry about your friend. you did not ask for advise, but one thing that works for me is an egg timer. if i set it for an hour and say, i am going to ..... for an hour, i just focus on that. it helps when i do not know where to start.
if i do that 2 or 3 times, but the end of a few hour i have gotten some things done and the rest of it looks manageable.
or .... sometimes i just load it all up and go the the laundromat instead of spending the whole day with the washer on off balance. and i fold it all there. bring a book.
you are doing great. not criticizing at all.
may i suggest a blog to you, you all. a new one. she reminds me a little of you.
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