Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Snarky commentary on the finale of American Idol**Updated: It's Over. Phew.***

Oh looky looky. They're all dressed up for the finale. But as the finalists came on the stage, I believe that was a close call for Jordin's heels. Now THAT would have been fun!

Gwenn Stefani is awesome. That dress? Like a pretty swirly cupcake with pink buttercream. Mmmmmmm.....

Surprises? Hawt. I read a rumor earlier this week that Britney would be making an appearance. Last year's appearance of Prince on the finale is pretty hard to outdo. I mean, come on. Prince! Love him! Oh, and by the way, AdRi just said she thinks Blake wears boxers "'cuz his pants are always bunched up near his thighs." Gee honey, glad you're watchin' Blake's thighs. Phew!

Kelly Clarkson. Hmm. I hear a little Melissa Ethridge. More AdRi side commentary, "Whatever happened to Justin?" Good question. What did happen to him? He didn't win. I think Kelly is shouting the song. Or at least that's what Randy would say.

Margaret Fowler: did they really need to play that music? Oh god. If this is the opening I wonder if it could get any worse. This is really not funny. B.A.D.

AdRi hates Phil. Everytime he comes on the screen she makes a face and turns away. "I can't stand his bald head." This is deep TV people. But damn: Smokey Robinson looks and sounds great. AdRi says, "He hasn't had any work done. The man is 72 fuckin' years old. Look at him." I get the feeling there's so much botox in there he can't make facial expressions.

Oh god. Another Golden Idol. Whoever thought of these should be shot. Sholandric. Now that name rocks. What a good sport. We just made fun of you, now here's your award.

Gladys, you rock, but if I could reach through the tv and fix your hair in front I would.

Audience shot! Justin! The Hoff! Woot! Woot!

AdRi update: it's 8:43 pm and she appears to now be asleep. Oh wait. She woke up for the commercials. And on Tony Bennett, she says he looks age appropriate. But she's holdin' out for Kenny Rogers.

Props to Carrie Underwood. But why is it that her hair looks like it belongs on a 45 year old? I mean it's pretty and everything, but it always just looks like Wigs By Joanne threw something on top of her noggin'. Ah, okay. She's pretty cool: I take back snarky comments about Carrie. She looked beautiful and was very down to earth. Jesus take that wheel! Or give the girl a corndog!

Sanjaya? With Joe Perry? Aerosmith? This is not public television people. Oh god the crying girl is in the audience. He's singing to her. And the egg lady is behind her. Is this where the show jumps the shark?

AdRi just asked me if it's true that a 60 year old woman had twins today. I checked. Yep, it's true.

Jordin and the velvet teddybear. Yawn. AdRi is out again. As are the cats and dog. Am I the only one awake in this house?! Come on people: where's the big surprise guest? There's got to be more than this. Will she wake up for Bette Midler? Love Bette. But on American Idol? Weird. Ditch the black leather skirt Bette. Oh my god. I think her song made Jerry Springer cry. Why so sad Jerry?

I'd forgotten Taylor Hicks makes those weird constipated faces. Um, and isn't there 5 minutes left in this show and they still haven't anounced the winner? Enough with the Underwood! AdRi just woke up and said "Oh my god it's 9:57." I know, honey. I know. Also, where's Gaiken? Nowhere in sight. I believe American Idol has distanced the show from him and his little, well, issues.

Finally it's over. I'm going to bed.

P.S. Congratulations Jordin.


Syd said...

Gladys barely got a note out before that hair was in her face. Made me crazy.

I bet most of the country grabbed the remote with 3 minutes left in the show, to make sure the fucker wasn't going to last another hour. I know I did.

Monogram Queen said...

I truly believe this was the most boring and probably the lowest rated American Idol season yet. If next year doesn't shape up to be MUCH better i'm done.

weese said...

we DVR'ed as not to endure the entire two hour horror of it.
of course they went over on time - and our DVR took the 10:00 stop time literally.